Do you know? Do you not know? Why don’t you know? Do you really know and not know you know?

I hear clients make a statement and then say, “I don’t know.” I hear others say, “I think…” What I, as a Women’s Emotional Lifestyle Coach hear is that the person’s confidence is lagging. I hear someone saying, I want you to agree with me before I put myself out there. I want to get your buy-in first. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I don’t want you to disagree with me, or challenge what I think.

But guess what, people will disagree with others, and they will challenge a person’s thinking. No one can be right or have a majority 100% of the time. Some people learn by asking questions or playing the devil’s advocate. Other individuals just like to throw out their opinion. Others may just have an opposite opinion..

However, the phrase, “I don’t know,” is a scary one because once said enough times out loud, one begins to believe that he/she truly does not know something. You see, what we hear can be what we believe. Have you been in the presence of someone who is constantly negative? I mean, someone who can look outside, see the sun shining, and all she thinks is that the sun is in her eyes. Someone who has all the food in her refrigerator and pantry staring at her after her trip to the grocery store, but she only want her double tall latte at Starbucks. I’m sure you unfortunately know someone like this. Is it possible that this person became this way by the doubtful or negative words that oozed from her mouth? Is it possible that she was once a happy and encouraging person, but she said “I don’t know,” too many times, and quit believing in herself? Beware of self-doubt! It takes us down dark alleys and places we don’t want to go in life. Sure, you can have a successful life if you doubt yourself, but you will not be everything you could be if you thought and spoke positively.

When speaking “I don’t know,” true feelings are covered up like make-up. Sure, you might have a blemish on your face, but add some concealer, and voila, it can hardly be recognized. When using doubtful phrases for your true thoughts, you begin to ignore or discredit your own thoughts. You look outwardly at others to help you understand what you mean or think. You lose the deep connection with yourself, and you forget how smart, individualist, and unique you truly are in this world. You forget your value. That’s depressing in and of itself!

When I am with a coaching client, and I hear this or another similar phrase, I remind my client that she does in fact know what she thinks. It’s important to empower those around us to trust what they think. And, to at least have an original thought. No one else may feel the same, no one else may agree, and no one else may even care, but you can at least agree with yourself. You are still valued enough to have your own opinion.

Words are powerful and the Bible says they are like a two-edged sword. You are the only person you hang out with constantly, and you hear every single word you say, so beware reader: watch what you say. Self-doubt can lead to low self-esteem. Don’t conceal your thoughts, your heart, and your true self. You are special, you are one of a kind, and you deserve to share your opinion with the world. Who knows, you might just encourage someone else to do the same.

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

A bond-servant by definition is someone who chooses to be a servant to someone else. This servant is not purchased, is not under contractual agreement, and may leave/quit his or her servitude whenever that person desires. The servant serves a master out of desire. There is love and loyalty behind the serving, whether healthy or not. So, are you a bond-servant?

Sometimes it’s easy to serve something or someone. Maybe you serve God or you serve dinner to your family. You may serve your career by doing your job well. You may serve a total stranger by allowing them to move ahead of you in a line. There are many ways we can be a bond-servant in a very healthy way.

However, we can often be a bond-servant to something we are not even aware that we are serving. For instance, when we please others instead of ourselves, we are being a bond-servant to that person, and putting them in the place of our master. We are emotionally and with tasks bowing down to that person. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to do something nice for someone and to help others, but when their needs go before yours or you have fear because you don’t want to let them down, you are acting like that person’s servant. You are giving that person power to control you. You are stepping out of the driver seat into the backseat of your life’s car. You have been given over to that person. In this situation, there is not likely love or loyalty like a healthy bond-servant, but fear of some kind. Maybe there is fear of failure, fear of not being loved, fear that you will lose your job or career. Maybe you have fear that you will lose a relationship or your reputation. There are many driving factors to why a person voluntarily becomes a bond-servant. Search within yourself to find out if you are being a bond-servant, and what is making you surrender control over your life.

There is a place for taking care of people like a child, spouse, sick friend, elderly parent, but when you say yes to a task at work that you physically can’t finish in 24-hours, when you allow a “friend” to constantly treat you badly, when you need clothes and make-up to make you feel beautiful, when your career demands that you work 60 hours a week, not because it’s what you should do, but because you are afraid of what will happen if you say ‘no,’ you are being a bond-servant. It can happen quickly, quietly, and probably without you even noticing that you have become a servant to something in your life.

Here’s the good news. You are not bound to be a servant. You have the power to stand up, release yourself, and say NO. You can walk away at any time. You can take the power and control back of your life. You no longer have to be afraid. You can release that fear, and stand up for yourself. You can choose today to only serve yourself and any healthy relationship.

I encourage you to evaluate your life. Are you allowing yourself to be a servant to something that you have no loyalty to, or to someone who does not value you the way you value him/her? If so, ask yourself what is allowing you to stay a servant. Release that, and break the servant chains. Free yourself, love yourself, and stand firm for who you are, the way you were created. If you treat yourself well, others will do likewise!

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

You’ve got the music in you. Sure, you may be humming or singing a song right now, but that’s not really what I mean. I am talking about something deeper. The music of your life. The music that makes you who you are. Let me explain what I mean.

We are each unique and have our own story. I recently read an article about a small tribe in Africa that picks out a song for their child before they ever conceive that child. When that child is born, everyone in the tribe sings the song that was chosen for that baby before he/she ever came into this world. Whenever the child does something wrong, the song is also sung by anyone who is nearby to remind the child of who he/she is. The song is sung at any and all major intervals in that person’s life, and when that person dies, everyone, for the last time, sings his/her song. How amazing is that to you have a special song throughout your life? A special song that is unique to you; that one else can claim as their own?

If you were to have a special song, what would it sound like? What would the words say? Or, maybe there would be no words. How would you be represented? I am not asking you to be a music composer, to sit down at a piano and hammer out notes onto sheet music, but to think about yourself from a different viewpoint. Most of us do not go around making up songs, but it could be fun to make up one song for yourself. Or, maybe you want a write a poem or anthem or painting that represents who you are at your core.

Your uniqueness is special, and you have many qualities that make you stand out. My challenge in this short blog is to get you thinking about your special qualities, gifts, talents, and passions. Whether you ever truly put them into words and create a song or not is your decision, but at least recognize and celebrate your uniqueness today!

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

When I think of someone walking a tightrope who knows what he/she is doing, I see gracefulness. I see confidence. I see determination. I see success. On the other hand, when I see someone who has never walked on a tightrope before or has very little experience moving along on a thin piece of matter, I see awkwardness. I see self-consciousness. I see clumsiness. I see that person barely making is across, or falling into the trampoline below. 

Let’s take the idea of a tightrope and apply it to work/life balance. Now, put yourself on that tightrope. You feel graceful or awkward. Do you feel self-conscious or confident? Do you feel clumsy or determined? Do you feel successful or defeated? 

Work-life balance is definitely achievable. However, one must constantly reevaluate it, as balance is a moving target. What works in one season of life may not work in another season. As a Life/Business Coach that works from home, I have a very fulfilling career. However, in different seasons of life, my career looks different. For instance, I had a baby in the past year, so I am taking time away from my career to spend with my child. This includes cutting back my hours, and working less, as well as taking on less clients. I still have balance, but this balance looks differently now than a year ago. I still have healthy relationships with my spouse, friends and family. I also focus on what I’m doing in the moment, whether as a coach or a mom. In a year, ten years, and twenty years, I know my season will change and my work-life balance will look completely different than it does now. There is a season for everything.

The most important part of balance is figuring out what works for you. Your balance will not look the same as your co-worker, your best friend, your sister, or even how it looked for you last year. Since balance is a moving target, you must acclimate depending on where you are in your season of life. And, don’t feel bad if you have to back off from something in order to refocus or not burn out. These two options, especially burn out, are far worse. 

Part of keeping good balance is setting healthy boundaries, and knowing when to say no with guiltless freedom. Everyone has a limit, and once it’s reached, we must make a change or lose balance. That is why building time in your life for you is so important. If you steal time away from yourself, burn out is sure to set in eventually. 

I do think that finding a breaking point can be a good thing. If we reach that point, we can use it to determine where to back off, and how to find that balance again. If we look at it positively, it’s another good checkmark when reevaluating balance. 

I truly hope that when you imagine yourself on a tightrope that you see yourself having self-assurance, determination, and finishing your goal. I hope you can find and reevaluate balance in your life, so that you can be at peace within yourself. Remember, balance constantly changes so reevaluate it often, and make changes as needed to sustain that balance.

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com 

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Lost time is never found again.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.” ~Golda Meir

“Time waits for no man.”

“Time is ticking away.”

“Time is money.” 

We all have a certain amount of time here on earth, which is unknown, and we each get to decide how we want to spend that time. We do not get back a single moment either. 

We have all made mistakes and wasted time. Sometimes we can live in the past and live with regret over a bad decision. This can make us feel like we are in a rut. It can also keep up from living in the now, today, and present. We can feel stuck, and forget how to move on. We let the decision or situation rule over us, and take over our lives. Once we are able to move on and get out of the rut, forgive ourselves and others, we have lost more time. 

I want you to redeem the time TODAY. Sure, we have all wished we did something differently. We wish we could go back and change our actions, the outcome, the reaction, the situation, or whatever, but in reality we cannot change anything. The only thing we can do is to redeem the time that we have now. 

When you win a prize, it’s not yours until you redeem it. You must decide you want the prize, and claim it. The same is true with living in the present. It’s a prize you have won or a gift you possess, but you must redeem it and cash it in. You first must realize that you want it, and then you must take it into your possession. 

So, instead of getting down or beating yourself up about something that happened in the past, redeem the time that you have available now. Do something differently, make a change in your life, and find a way to move forward. Forgive and forget, whether it’s someone else or yourself. Make a decision to move on with your life. Decide to close that chapter. Break the chains that are holding you back and in bondage. Create healthy boundaries. Take a chance that things really can be better. Stop allowing yourself to be the victim. Decide how you will live today, and the feelings that you will feel. Put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life. You don’t have to waste anymore time; the decision lies within you!

Don’t waste anymore time, and redeem what time you have left in your life to make a difference! 

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

 

I like nutrition very much, but I don’t specialize in it with my coaching practice. However, I do believe that eating well is one of the many parts of dating yourself. I believe nutrition is a way to love on yourself and treat yourself well. I do not think it should be overlooked at all.

I know from personal experience how much my body likes me when I eat well, and when I treat my body to the nutrients it needs. For instance, I always feel better if I have a fruit in the morning. I get headaches if I drink less than 60 ounces of water in a given day. I do not like the feeling of being full, and I typically eat several mini meals throughout the day. I am a grazer.

How about you? When do you feel your best? Do you feel your best after you eat fruits? Do you have a certain routine that makes your body happy? Do you find that if you eat a certain food or meal you regret it? (Mine is McDonalds, as it gives me a stomach ache.)

It’s very easy to grab, find, and down junk food, but eating fruits, veggies, and proteins is a way to show love to yourself. How often do you eat “love yourself” foods? How often do you “treat” yourself to something healthy? There are many ways to eat healthy these days. For instance, yogurt and blueberries, even adding some granola is both a yummy and healthy breakfast. There is protein in yogurt, especially Greek yogurt, and the added fruit makes this treat sweeter naturally. You can also make a fruit or veggie smoothie. Add some honey or vanilla, and you get a sweeter taste. Drink juice instead of soda/pop. I have recently gotten into juicing, and I am amazed at how sweet pure juice is to the taste.  Allow your afternoon snack to be an orange or carrots. Sneak in nuts to your morning snack. Making small adjustments can change a lot with nutrition, your eating habits, and how your body feels.

Love on yourself because if you don’t, no one else will love on you. You are responsible for your own health, and since you only have one body with which to reside, treat your body the best you can. Show love to yourself by eating well. And, your body will thank you. You will have more energy, you will feel physically and emotionally better, you will be sick less often, and you may actually live longer because of it.

Here’s to your body thanking you and to loving on yourself!

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

Statistics show that if you spend 10,000 hours doing something particular, you will master whatever it is.  For instance, Bill Gates started building computers while in high school, and spent so much time with computers, that he gained his 10,000 hours early in his life.  This helped him become a success with Microsoft.  So, if you play the violin and spend 10,000 hours practicing, you will be extremely good at this instrument.  If you are a runner, and you spend 10,000 hours running, you will perfect the ability to run marathons.  The same is true about an artist, an architect, etc.  Therefore, whatever you want to be excellent at in life, you must spend a lot of time practicing.  I do not endorse that you can do anything you want, but I say this within reason and with what you are talented at in your life.

Think about this.  We start out our lives learning to walk, then run.  We learn to brush our teeth and tie our shoes while we are still in the single digits of age.  We then learn to drive a car while in our teens, something we will do nearly every day of our lives thereafter.  We are good at many things that seem very automatic to us because we do these things everyday.  We ask people as a joke if they can walk and chew gum at the same time.  Yes, it’s funny, but if we do this over and over, it’s not so difficult.  Whatever you find easy to do in life is probably because you have done it over and over and over and over and over again.  You have mastered this easy activity or task.  (NOTE: It may not seem easy when first beginning.)

What other items do you want to master in your life?  Maybe there is something that is not so easy like pottery, cross stitching, scrapbooking, learning an instrument as an adult, playing a sport that you didn’t grow up playing as a child, etc.  There may be many, or there may be just one activity or hobby, but there is probably something you wish you could be good at, but are not currently.  Maybe you are frustrated that something is not coming quicker to you in you life.  Could it be because you are not actively mastering and practicing it?  Have you let something go because you got frustrated, busy, or didn’t make the time to master?  It is quite easy and convenient to let anything that is not easy at the beginning be another discontinued activity in our lives.

You never know what you could be good at if you would commit to spending time mastering it.  I want to challenge you to think of something you wish you were excellent at, but currently are not.  What can you do to incorporate this activity back into or into your life for the first time?  What can you do to start mastering your 10,000 hours?  Make a list, and start charting ways to accomplish your goals and become a 10,000 hour master!

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

How many new people have you met in the past day?  What about week, or month?  We are so busy that it’s easy to get stuck in a bubble.  It’s easy to become complacent with our usual friends, and to not put forth an effort to make new friends.  We forget to make others welcome at an event, church, or at our office.  We forget what it’s like to be on the outside when we are with good friends.

When is the last time you purposely met someone new?  Whether at the gas station, grocery store, or in the office, think about the last time you approached someone to simply say “hi” to him or her. When is the last time you purposely went out of your way to help someone? Maybe someone was stranded on the side of the road, needed a few dollars, or even something as simple as picking up something someone else dropped to be nice.  It’s easy to overlook others, to forget to be nice to them, and to help others.  Helping others puts a smile on their face, and it also puts a smile on your face.

Even giving a smile to someone you don’t know is important.  You may give them the confidence or encouragement that the person needs.  You could help brighten that person’s day.  You could give them hope for a difficult situation that the individual might need.  Smiling can lead to a conversation, and possibly a new friend!

You are special with special gifts and talents.  Use these gifts and talents to benefits others, and to make someone’s day better.  Here’s some examples of how you can accomplish this:

1. Call a friend, family member, or someone you have recently met
2. Send a card or email.  There are free e-cards as well that have music and cute animations.  This could brighten someone’s day.  Let that person know something you like about him/her.
3. Send a text to someone, especially someone you have recently met.  Let that person know you are happy to have met them.  You can also use the text to let them know you were thinking about them right then.
4. Be old-fashioned and stop by someone’s house.  I would not suggest doing this when you have JUST met someone.  Also, make sure the time is appropriate.  Do not stop by someone’s house during mealtime or bedtime.  This simple gesture can mean the world to someone else.
5. Ask someone to lunch.  This is a great way to connect with someone you have just met.  Even better, pick up the tab for the meal.  Ask open-ended questions and make sure you that you don’t spend the time only talking about yourself.
6. Ask to watch someone’s kids so he/she can go on a date with a spouse or run an errand.  Again, this is something that should be done with someone you already know, not someone you just met.  After building trust with a new friend, you could ask to watch his/her kids.  This is a great way to show you care about a friend.
7. Play host/hostess, and invite someone to your house.  You can barbeque or make a nice dinner; the choice is yours.  This is a great way to get to know someone new better.  You can incorporate a game or theme night with dinner.  Food is always a great way to improve a friendship.

Make sure that you are not so busy that you forget to befriend and help others.  You will benefit just as much, if not more, than the other person, and friends will enrich your life.

If you have other suggestions or even stories, feel welcome to comment and share.

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

Get up in the morning.  Eat breakfast, then brush your teeth.  Wash your face, put on make-up, and fix your hair.  Get stressed, grab your coat, and head out the door.  Fight traffic on the way to work.  Check email, work on project, and get interrupted by the phone, co-worker, and/or boss.  Go to lunch.  Catch up on emails. Finish up a project, start another one.  Fight traffic, get home, and fix dinner.  Eat dinner, then watch TV, clean the house, read a book, and/or spend time with a spouse, friend, or kids.  Get ready for bed and climb into bed.  Sleep.  Wake up and start the whole routine again.

It can be easy to get bored in life with the same routine day in and out.  Often it feels like we are doing the same thing each day in our life.  Do you want to settle for mediocre or boring? How can you make life more exiting? What can you look forward to in your life?

Remember how exciting life was when you were a child?  You would look forward to the Valentine’s Day party at school.  Also, there was the slumber party the following week, the skating party next month, and bowling with your best friend on the next scheduled day off of school.  Life seemed so exciting then.  It’s easy to get stuck in routine, and forget the fun events in life.

What small changes can you make to your day, week, or month to create more fun and adventure in your life? Maybe you make a goal to make one person laugh a day. It could be the same or different person.  This can be fun because you get to think of or find a joke.  Maybe you find that this creates more smiles and laughter in your life.  You might even discover you are more of a comedian than you thought.  Maybe you make a goal to change one person’s life or influence them once a month.  You can do this through mentoring, either at your place of employment, through the boys’/girls’ club, or through someone else you know. Maybe you decide to make a new friend every week. This can be a challenge and fun.  You can come up with great open-ended questions to ask people when you meet someone new.  This can also help you with networking and personal growth. Maybe you decide you will come up with the next big idea at your place of employment.  This can also be a great challenge.  This creates creativity within you, helps you become noticed in your company, and allows you to further your career. Maybe you make a bucket list and start checking items off of it.  This can be very exciting, as you can include family and friends.  This allows you to live for the weekends, instead of getting into a rut.  Try events and ideas that you thought you might not ever try before.  You might have more fun than any other time in your life, including as a child!

You have the power to make life less boring and routine, and that power lies only within you.  So, what will you change today in order to live an adventurous and exciting life?

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com

When is the last time you asked your spouse, child, roommate, or even yourself, “Where are my keys?”  “Honey, have you seen my shoes?” “Where did I put my glasses?”  “Where’s my purse?”  “I thought I put coat on the back of this chair.”  In our busy lives, we can easily misplace normal every day items.  And, when misplacing these items, it can make us late for work, the soccer game, ballet practice, and even church.

When organizing our lives, we have to start small.  By creating routine and consistency, we also create balance and harmony.  If you can’t organize or keep track of the small things in your life, I’m sorry to say that you will have a more difficult time with the bigger and more important items in your life.  If you are ready for a change, and ready to get more organized, here are some simple steps to help you keep track of your keys, and other items in your life.

First of all, start by keeping items in certain places all the time.  For instance, I keep my car key in the same pocket of my purse all the time.  I have my house keys in a different pocket.  A certain pair of shoes are kept by the front door so that I can easily step out of my office, down the stairs, and out my front door to get the mail.  I keep my phone on my night stand at night.  My point is that I keep certain things in the same spot all the time.  I know that if I misplace something simple like my keys, I am either sick, tired, or distracted.  And when I do misplace my keys, it’s annoying enough to make sure I put them back where they belong.  I don’t have time to look for them when I’m heading out the door, and neither do you.  So, find a place where you can keep your keys, purse, glasses, shoes, coat, etc., and keep them there consistently.  This may mean buying a key hook for your home, a shoe rack, glass holder, or whatever may help.  If you need to make a small investment to organize yourself, it will be worth the money spent.

Secondly, create a habit.  Old statistics said it took 21 to 24 days to make anything a habit.  Now, with our busy lives and lots of advertising and images entering our brains, it can take up to 90 days to make something a habit.  Give yourself that time, and start putting items in the same place everyday.  Make a conscious decision and effort to make sure items move to the correct place, and try to stay consistent.  Once you create a habit, you will not have to put much effort into your organization.  And, you will spend less time looking for routine items!

Lastly, give yourself a break if you forget every now and again.  One day out of routine is not going to mess up your habit.  Also, if you go on vacation, you may have a week where you misplace things.  That’s fine.  When you get home, the habit will fall back into place.  If you move, you will have to re-establish your habits.  Have patience in this situation, and create a new place and habit in your new home.  It will come together, and you will be back to your old organized ways; it will probably come quicker if you have been organized somewhere else.  Part of balance is giving yourself grace for changed situations and for missing the mark once or twice.  The overall consistency is what you are looking for with this habit.

I hope you are empowered to become more organized, and remove from your vocabulary, “Where are my keys?”

Cheers to your success and organization!

Original content by Iris Slay, info@growthfortoday.com; www.growthfortoday.com